Lesson #38 - There Are Certain "Suggestions" To Follow To Maintain Civility

I was browsing Yahoo! the other day (can I say that on Google?! Oh well!) and came across this grrrrreat article title "10 Things Husbands Should Never Do" written by Diane Oats. As I was reading through the list, I couldn't help but to laugh. Some of these things fall under my, "Things Not To Say If You Want To Live" category, but others were just plain silly!! The man was looking over my shoulder as I was reading and as I laughed all he could muster was a scoff..."I bet that was written by some feminist broad," he said. I shot him "the look" and he kept his trap shut. Instead of re-printing the article I am going to summarize. These are good!

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. I couldn't agree more!! Just because I am a woman and you are a man - doesn't mean you can't chip in a little too...I mean, we both live here and share responsibility for the mess...so we should both clean, right?! Saying you're going to clean, but then leaving the mess for me doesn't count either - in fact, it will make me more mad.

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. We like to be pampered and getting a new 'do falls into that category. There is nothing quite like someone washing your hair and then giving you a new look in the mirror. However, if the job was botched - don't say anything because chances are, we already know that!

8. Know it all, especially in public. This one didn't rank high on my personal list. Things like this happen all the time. You might have done something, but someone else knows someone who did the same thing just a little bit better - or faster - or longer - or...well, you get the picture.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. The point behind this one was that if the clothes don't fit then I would be stuck with the returns. Thankfully, though, the man doesn't require a lot of new things...so this one doesn't fall high on my list either.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. The great thing about this one is that if the man doesn't make a fuss about a meal - when I obviously took a long time to prepare everything, cook it up and make a stellar table scape presentation...then I just don't cook anymore. Simple as that! As you can see - this one also didn't rank high on my list.

5. Brag about your driving. The man frequently tells me that I can't drive. Really, I can't drive LIKE HIM and that is what frustrates him, I think. Diane threatened to "reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up" and to that I say - GREAT IDEA!!!

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. LOL! The man knows not the get me perfume...it is a waste of money for something that I will only really have the time to put on a few times. A gift card for a massage - or any other spa treatment - is always a welcomed gift!!

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. I would like to add - "unless I ask for it" because whatever appliance makes my life easier is always welcome in my casa.

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. Being on both sides of the spectrum (office work by day and mommy/house work by night) then I can definitely say that the housework takes more steps. Both are mentally taxing and tiresome, though. Since the man doesn't have a conventional "office job" this has never really come up.

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. DING, DING, DING!!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!! I couldn't agree with item number one more - and it definitely makes MY number one! Last I checked, I babysat OTHER peoples' children all through high school and even some of college...but once the babe was born, then it is considered being a PARENT...unless someone wants to pay me to watch my own child - in which case that person should contact me so I can send over a W-9!

So, what is YOUR biggest "suggestion"- leave it in the comments section!! I can't wait to read them!

Lesson #37 - Following Instructions Makes For The Best Outcome

Lets me first say...OH. MY. GOODNESS!!! I can HARDLY contain my excitement that I am over 100 followers!!! Okay, so it happened yesterday - but it still happened...I feel so accomplished! I can't believe that there are more than 100 people in the blogoshpere who actually CARE about what I write! I hope to continue keeping each and every one of you entertained!!

Now, I feel that if I didn't have a posting regarding the Bump-Its today that I might be brutally maimed...and while that sounds like a TON of fun - I'm just not in the mood...besides, I'm far too cute for that! So...without further ado...the fabulousness that IS Bump-Its...

Let me tell you how excited I was when I ripped open the pretty Christmas wrapping paper and it revealed...

SCHWEET!!!!!! My very own link to those from the Dirty Jerz...I was so excited I damn near pee'd myself! I honestly think this was more of a gag gift - since it is a running joke between the man and my in-laws - than anything...but I kinda like the way my hair "goes from flat to fab"!!!!

I'm not sure why mine didn't come with a second little bumpit, but it didn't...sniff, sniff...tear...and to give you a little bit on an idea as to how big these things are - I offer the following pictures (I have a Verizon LG phone - as a reference)...

 

 

 

 

 The first picture kind of looks like a sumo wrestler...LOL! I digress...

This wonderful little package also comes with a brochure containing helpful hints, step-by-stop (anyone else singing the theme song to that show?! you're welcome!) instructions and style guide. So...I went into the bathroom and laid out my tools (PS - I want to hear nothing...NOTHING...about the wall paper)...

So, I got a chunk of hair...did some magic with that little comb...and tried out the little bumpit...it leaves something to be desired, but I think that is because my hair is so long - or I'm doing something wrong.

I'm not a fan...so I took the wee-one out and moved up the scale to the large bumpit. Again, I took a chunk of hair...tried to work some magic with the comb...did a little spritz of Aussie (which smells FAB by-the-by)...and came up with this...

 

 ...and one from the side...

This one is DEFINITELY my favorite out of the three...okay, so I take the plastic thing out and grab the smae chunk of hair...do a little dance...spray a little spray...and off we go with the Hollywood sized one...

...and one from the side...

We'll just say that my hair was not meant for Hollywood...sniffle, sniffle...tear*, tear*....

The pictures really don't do these contraptions justice. What I really would love to do is go to a professional - who has used them before - to show me how to work them. I mean, I am a visual learner and all...but following directions written on paper while trying to do my hair at the same time...you gotta be kidding me!!

That said, reading the helpful hints would have been helpful as I tried to tug the damn things out of my freshly dried hair-sprayed hair...I don't know if you can tell from the above pictures, but there are little teeth surrounding the entire bumpit - an dI'm not talking little teeth either...these things are massive. Actually, it looks like little arrows sticking out from all sides - and they HURT when you try pulling them out. So, note to self...following directions is a good thing - and results in much less hair loss!

Just For Fun - Post-It Note Tuesday...Post-Christmas Edition

Before proceeding - make you stop HERE to check out the guest lesson for today...gotta love MODG - she is GREAT!

 

 

 

Lesson #36 - Sometimes Life Throws You A Lot Of Little Lessons

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Queen Martini. Martinis or Diaper Genies is a wonderfully funny blog...seriously, I very large puffy pink heart this chick! So she might be a little rough around the edges and okay she doesn't exactly come off as nice - all the time - but everyone can appreciate her drunken (and even some not-so-drunken) stories! I SERIOUSLY suggest you follow MODG here. I hope you have some popcorn popped...these are good ones!!

Lessons Learned: Battle Wounds.

Somehow I get hurt. A lot. I don’t play sports. I don’t really do much of anything other than sit at a computer for 32 hours a day. Yes in my day there are 32 hours. But I keep getting hurt. Let’s explore together how we can all learn from my scabs.

I’m staring at a battle wound on my wrist right now from a scab I keep picking. Not just any scab, like the deepest wrinkliest cracky scab from a burn no less. The best part? I don’t even remember getting it because I was so drunk. I THINK I reached into the oven to pull out some apps that I made at 2am. And by apps I mean mini frozen hot dogs . Which I’m totes ok with because of their delicious factor.

Lesson Learned: Don’t make white trash oven food when drunk.

Yesterday my foot gave birth to the tip of a toothpick. I’m not kidding. The grossest part is that I dragged it in my foot from DC 4 days earlier. I was drunk…again…and barefoot. And I danced all over a giant pile of toothpicks. It hurt but I couldn’t tell if I was just stabbed or if my foot actually sucked some pick inside of it. Well yesterday I’m like F, this still hurts. So I SQUEEZED and like the most satisfying pimple squeeze a small piece of pointy wood sloooowly birthed itself out of my foot. I taped it to a piece of paper and saved it.

Lesson Learned: Don’t bring back party utensils inside your body, across state lines.

My foot is gimp and swollen. It has been for 2 weeks. And guess what? I can’t wear heels because of it. ULTIMATE PUNISHMENT considering I am 5’2’’. I don’t know how it happened but I THINK it’s from trying on 5 inch heels that cost more than an ’84 Lebaron. So that’s some karma for you right there. This is my most depressing injury yet. But I wasn’t drunk this time. Amazing.

Lesson Learned: Match your accessory quality to your income. Undershoot if necessary but overshooting makes karma hate you.

After reading this you may think I’m 22, single and some cool party girl. This is where you are wrong. I’m 29, married and I live in the suburbs. I’m just not that smart. I also have yet to grow up. For this reason I have no babies. For this reason my blog debates if I SHOULD have a baby and exactly when.

Would you like to weigh in on my life? Visit MODG. I’ll probably insult you at some point. Be warned.

Heart you.

Lesson #35 - It Takes All Kinds...To Write A Holiday Card

When I was a kid - I LOVED getting mail. It came on my birthday and Christmas - mostly cards, but some had money...and I think that is what started my love for the mail. As I got older, I realized that the mail was actually an evil thing containing bills and marketing pieces that I surely did not want to read (among other things, of course). I still have some sort of love for the mail - especially around Christmas. Now that I'm all growed up the much anticipated Christmas cards now come addressed to Mr. and Mrs. The Man and The Babe...I am no longer lumped into the after-thought of "and family" but I am now on the important side. SWEET! Sure enough, the cards that come always put a smile on my face.

There are a few, though, that just make you go, "are you kidding me?!" One of my family members - *who shall be called "Joan" - is far from an A-type personality. I can imagine that she doesn't socialize very much and only leaves the house to go to work. I look forward to HER envelope the most - if for nothing else than the sheer comedic value. Now, I know that some of you have those family members who send out the 1 page "family update of (insert year)" and give a run-down of every. single. detail (its okay if you are one of them...I guess!). Well my friends...Joan is that relative in my family - but instead of the customary (and easy to read) 1 pager...hers is ALWAYS 4 pages OR MORE! Not only is it long as all heck - but it is written in the 3rd person, which makes it that much funnier. What follows are a few excerpts from this year's 8 page update.

"In February, Joan* took her car, an Oldsmobile 1987, to the Buick body shop for body repair. The serviceman was from Haiti (please note, I have nothing against those of different ethnicity...this is just a reprint of what was written). While he was not rude, he has not yet adopted the American culture. He was not about to please the customer. He gave Joan* a hard time. He started by telling he that he might not be able to find all the necessary parts. Then he said that his servicemen were busy. Then he said that the only serviceman who could work on an Oldsmobile was sick and would be unavailable for three weeks. Then he wanted to know who was going to pay for the repair services. The excuses continued from February to March. Joan* loves her car. She did not give up. The car was finally repaired in March."

"In October, Joan's* number of days of work in the store decreased to one day a week. Many employees experienced the same decline. It was a mystery. There were plenty of shoppers. Was the store cutting down on costs? Were the shoppers buying less or the cheaper clothes? Since the reason was not clear, Joan* did not complain. In the middle of December she found out why. The store had hired too many employees for the Christmas season and the assistant to the manager did not know how to make a fair allocation of work hours."

"On Halloween day, Joan* had to work. She wanted to wear an orange wig and a witch's garb, to amuse the children. However, the manager of the store decided against Halloween costumes."

These are just a few things in this letter that made me laugh out loud...oh how I wish the only thing I had to worry about were whether or not I could wear a witch outfit to work...alas, things are a little more complicated that that around here!!

So, your turn to spill...who is that ONE family member that just takes the cake when it comes to holiday cards (or holiday gatherings)?!?!

Lesson #34 - Sick Humor Is Better Than No Humor

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy a few of my favorite Christmas cartoons!!! Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Lesson #33 - Santa Comes To Those Who Are Patient

Dear Santa,

I know that I'm a little late writing to you this year...and I apologize for that. In the past I've always been the one who would write to you the day AFTER Chrsitmas - for the following year. It used to be that I was the overachiever...and that was just fine with me.

This year is a little different, though, Big Man. You see, that bundle of joy that was given to our little family in July has been keeping me up at night making me laugh until I cry getting me to cry until my eyes are puffy on my toes for the past (almost) six months. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I always knew I wanted to be a mommy, but I never knew that it would be this fabulous! Even with all of the ups and downs and turned arounds...I wouldn't have changed anything that happened this year for anything.

So, you see Man in Red...I have been so busy enjoying the joys of life this year that I really haven't had the need to write to you asking for anything. I already have everything that I could ever need, or want, or desire in this world.

That being said, I would like to ask for a few things - on behalf of others. As our little fam was busy soaking up life, a brave little man was fighting for his own. Jaden Duttine is a mere two years old, but has already gone through more procedures in his short life than any person I know. So, if it isn't too much trouble, please make sure Jaden is home with his family for the holiday season!

I would also like to ask that you watch over Christine and her family as they spend their (possibly) last Christmas with her step-son. It is never easy to say good-bye - and even more difficult when that person is a child. I hope that you are able to give them a Christmas filled with happiness and fond memories.

I am fully aware that there are many more of my bloggy friends who need Christmas miracles this year...and as long as you've been reading each and every one of their posts (like I have been trying to do) then I'm sure you have quite an impressive list going! I know that you might not be able to get to all of them this year...but any extraordinary effort to do so would be much appreciated!

With all the joy in my little heart,

Lesson #32 - Christmas Is A Time For Family

To say that I am a little stressed about Christmas this year would be a bit of an understatement!

Thanksgiving was fun...our little fam ate with the man's side of the family on Wednesday night. We were going to go all out - since the man was off for once - but since I was being forced into solitude had to work that idea was quickly nixed. There is no way that the man - or even someone as talented as me - could have put together a home-cooked meal while taking care of the babe. The fried turkey takes a watchful eye, the mashed potatoes needs supervision and a bit of elbow grease, the stuffing was made by the hub's grandfather - whether we home-cooked dinner or not - and the gravy (and cranberry sauce...and corn) was coming out of a can. Okay, so maybe there wasn't THAT much to do...but with a broken wrist, there is no way of getting it done - while I'm at work - and being ready to eat at 5pm.

For those of you who are feeling less than ambitious around the holiday season - and have a Bob Evans somewhere around - I would highly suggest purchasing a pre-packaged holiday meal! Now, just because it was purchased somewhere, that doesn't mean that it isn't flavorful or cooked with love with some degree of care. The family came, they ate, they drank, they talked, they conquered, they passed around the babe and they went home.

As soon as the last family member was out the door - into the car we went with all of our luggage and the babe. Saying that we were driving down the interstate at 100 mph just doesn't give the siutation justice. My parents were awake and ready to welcome us with open arms...even though we were all dead tired and just wanted to curl up in the fetal position cry ourselves out of delerium pull the covers over our faces and sleep for days. The following day everyone began the cooking frenzy of sweet potato cassarole, fried turkey, garlic mashed potatoes and various desserts. Did I mention that we were all going to the neighbor's house for dinner...oh, I forgot that part...well, now you know! Needless to say it was a long and stressful and tiring day.

The man thought it would be a better idea if my parents stayed with us over Christmas - to avoid us having to go between our house and their for presents and festivities and dinner - because it really is all about us! So, our home will be filled with the man, myself and the babe in the master bedroom - my grandmother is staying in the 2nd master bedroom - my parents (minus the puppies, thank goodness) will be staying in the basement bedroom. They are arriving tonight and staying until Saturday afternoon. Oh joy!!

Since the man is back to work now, after being at home after breaking his wrist, we will have to eat an early lunch around 11a. That means that the cooking will start LONG before that - since we'll have to get a fried turkey, loin roast (not mine), green bean cassarole, garlic mashed potatoes, sweet potato cassarole, chicken stuffing, chicken AND beef gravy (yes, home made) and an apple pie done in time for that 11a deadline. Ugh!! I hope things go better in real life than they're playing out in my head.

On the upside...Macy's is open for 24 hours today...YAY for shopping!!

Wish me luck everyone!!

Lesson #31 - One Joint Christmas Dinner Is Better Than One...Right?!

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Bathroom Mommy. Mommy is in the Bathroom is an INSANELY FUNNY blog!! If you aren't already a loyal follower, I think you're missing out! Granted, she is taking a blogcation (but was FAB enough to share this lesson with us this week) but you'll be sorry if you haven't started following her here once she returns! Without any further ado...this is the story of dinner lessons (kind of) learned!

I was 21 years old the first time I cooked Christmas dinner for my family- my mom, dad and sister- and my hubby's family- about 25 people.

For your reference, I'm pretty sure Roseann Bar based the Connors off my hubby's family. Except hubby's family isn't laid back and funny. Mine is. His family thinks the Rapture and end of times will occur if everything isn't exactly how it always is.

They're Jackie from Roseann. 25 Jackies I was about to cook my first big dinner for.

It was our first Christmas in our brand new house. I wanted to show what a great housewife I would make.

So I planned. I started planning in November. I was going all out. 7+ appetizers, 10+ side dishes, 3 types of meat, desserts, the works.

My mom and sister came over the day before Christmas Eve to help me prep. My family always does our big thing on Christmas Eve at my parents house with our close family friends, so no prep would be done on that day until well into the wee morning hours.

We prepped as much as we could. We planned the menu timing so every thing would finish around the same time. We set up tables and more tables and decorations. I put out the high class paper plates and plastic silverware.

Yes, I may have over did the food, but there was no way I was going to do dishes for 31 people. I had been at previous Christmas dinners with the hubby's family. Nobody but his Grandma and Mom helped. With anything.

Christmas day his family arrived late full of presents and worry. My family arrived early to help me.

In comes hubby's mom and grandma. OH MY GOD WHAT WERE WE DOING?

Where was the corn? That's all the corn we have? There is only five cans of CORN FOR 30 PEOPLE MELISSA!!!! THAT IS NOT ENOUGH.

I have 13 other side dishes hubby mom and grandma. I think we'll be ok.

NO! YOU DON'T KNOW OUR FAMILY AND CORN. OH MY GOD!!!! SOMEONE HAS TO RUN OUT RIGHT NOW AND GET MORE CORN!!!!!

What do you mean your family and corn? Are you serious right now?

YES!!!! WAIT.... OH HOLY LORD THAT'S ALL THE MASHED POTATOES YOU HAVE???

No, I have those, scalloped potatoes and potatoes au gratin. We peeled over 75 potatoes. I think we have enough.

YOU MADE REAL POTATOES??? NOBODY IS GOING TO EAT THAT. OH MY GOD!! DIDN'T YOU KNOW WE ONLY EAT BOXED MASHED POTATOES MELISSA?!?! OH MY GOD. PICK UP 6 BOXES OF POTATO FLAKES WITH THE CORN! OH GOD, THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE.

At this point, I'm biting my tongue and pinching myself so hard I look like I was in a fight with 3rd grade girl. My sister is ready to go ninja and my mom is drinking herself into oblivion.

Hey Melissa, where are the plates and forks? My hubby's uncle asks me standing right in front of the table holding the super fancy paper plates and plasticware.

Right there.

You're using paper plates?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you needed Waterford Crystal to eat your boxed mashed potatoes and 4 lbs of effing canned corn...

Of course, this was coming from the guy who was supposed to supply the pop for 31 people and showed up with a 2 liter of off brand Cola and Diet Cola. But no one said a word about that. Instead, I only had 2 gallons of milk for 31 people. Cuz didn't I know every single person drinks huge glasses of milk with Christmas dinner??

My hubby ran to the gas station and bought 15 cans of corn and 5 boxes of mashed potatoes. I made them all.

My appetizers went untouched by his family. Instead, all 3 bags of Lays Ruffles, Doritos, and Cheesey Poofs from my pantry disappeared.

All night I listed to the unbelievable sin I committed of only buying 5 cans of corn, making real mashed potatoes, having only 2 gallons of milk and using paper plates and plasticware.

No one said thank you but my family. No one said it tasted good but my family. His family bitched I didn't have enough containers for them to pack up the left overs (of EVERYTHING, even the appetizers no one ate) and had to use ziplock bags.

No wonder they require so much corn. I wasn't only feeding them tonight. I was feeding them for the next week.

Hubby's cousins, who were our age and already had toddlers, didn't watch them.

Think back to your life before kids. How annoying other peoples kids are when you don't have any of your own. Nothing is more infuriating than watching and listening to other peoples kids scream, cry, and tear your brand new house apart while their parents sit their lazy asses on the couches and bitch about not having left over containers to take home all the food they bitched about eating.

My family left as soon as dinner was over. They couldn't take it anymore.

The following year his family wanted Christmas at our house because it's the only one big enough to comfortably hold everyone. I, with a severe case of new mommy brain, agreed. My family shockingly decided to stay home on Christmas day that next year.

But I, of course, put my passive aggressive smart ass spin on it.

I made a turkey, bought 20 cans of corn (why do you have so much corn, Melissa?), made 10 boxes of mashed potatoes (that's a lot of potatoes, Melissa), 6 gallons of milk (those are going to go bad. We should take those with us, Melissa), stuffing, and a couple bags of salad and frozen biscuits. Appetizers were chips. His grandma brought the desserts. And his family brought their own take home containers that year.

I guess lessons sorta learned?

No, lesson was learned this year, 7 years later, when I finally said, we're not hosting Christmas. We'll see ya when dinner is served.

Lesson #30 - Weathermen Are Only Correct SOME Of The Time...This Is One Of Them

Snow is fun...well, it CAN be fun. Does anyone else question how much (or how little) the public should really be trusting the weather folks?? I mean, it is great that they have the ability to look at the WeatherDoppler5001...but it seems to me that even if they had someone from the future to tell them what the weather forecast is - they would still flip a coin, cross their fingers and pray for the best.

At first they were calling for 6-10 inches of the white stuff...then, about 30 minutes later, they were forecasting 12-18 inches. I can't even remember the last time I saw 18 inches of snow - if ever for that matter. By the end of the day on Friday, the highest prediction was at 24 inches...oh great!!

I didn't believe we could ever get 24 inches of snow so I wasn't so concerned...I mean, how could Mother Nature RUIN the event that had been planned for MONTHS - okay, only one month?!?!?! There was no way that the impending "snowpocalypse" was going to prevent Holiday-Fling-A-Ding 2009...I hadn't my best girlfriends for far too long...no snow...not this weekend!

Alas, this is what the hubs and I woke up to on Saturday morning...white stuff had come down and was up to 12 inches:

By Saturday evening, we had gotten up to 18 inches and it didn't look like it was going to stop any time soon. Needless to say, Holiday-Fling-A-Ding 2009 has been postponed indefinitely. This was the only weekend that all of us had free so who knows when we'll be able to get together now. Probably not until after the New Year...BOOO!!!

On Saturday evening, the hubs thought he would dig out...but he didn't get quite that far - seen here:

He wasn't sad because of the snow...but he was more depressed because he wanted so badly to grill steaks for dinner. I told him that the wind was really bad and that it probably wouldn't be such a great idea. Not only that, but trying to keep the grill at an adequate temperature would be impossible...he still tried:

It didn't work though...we ended up eating broiled steaky goodness - at least I did. Hubs had fajitas...both yummy!

How did you spend your snow day(s)?!?!

Just For Fun - I'M A WINNAH (see, I AM cool)!!!!

I was awarded this piece of FABULOUSITY by Lee over at Headaches, Hotflashes and Hormones! See is GREAT and I highly suggest getting your bum over there and read what she has to say..it is good stuff - promise!

There are no rules attached to this award...YAY! I would like to pass it on to (please note that those who got it from Lee won't be getting from me...I love you guys though!!):

Airing My Dirty Laundry...One Sock At A Time

BlogBaby

Busted Plumbing

Fighting Off Frumpy

Frogs in my Formula 

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks

Misadventures from the Batcave

Mommy is in the Bathroom

The Meanest Mom

Things I can't say

Tiptoeing Through the Tulips

Vodka Logic
Why Mommy Drinks Rum

Wines Constantly

If I missed anyone, I truly apologize. I follow 100+ blogs so it can get difficult to keep everyone in line in my head. I do love you all though!!!

Lesson #29 - Music Lies

So...being that today marks exactly seven more sleeps until Christmas morning - I thought I would do my own version of WTF Friday - Holiday Edition. I hope you all enjoy it!!

Note: I am not an overly religious person...but I was taken to Mass from the time I was born until I was old enough to say no and stay home by myself. I was also enrolled in a private Catholic school from Kindergarten through my senior year of high school (you can laugh...its okay...I will wait...and yes, you can think that...about 99% of it is true. Done?! Good!).

I have always loved holiday music. I can remember when I was a little kid and my dad would pull out his (very) old record player and throw on some tunes while we all put the Christmas tree up and baked cookies. My most favorite song HAD to have been "Do You Hear What I Hear" and I'm pretty sure that particular record is still alive and kicking - somewhere - despite my obsession...I digress. I wanted to take a moment to analyze the song (in italics) - trust me...this is good stuff!

This song was penned in October 1962 by Noel Regney and Gloria Shayne Baker as a plea for peace during the Cuban Missile Crisis (I don't know about YOU, but whenever I see or hear of think about missiles...this video comes to mind...moving on!). The lyrics are awe inspiring and the music is catchy...but within are LIES - ALL LIES!!

Said the night wind to the little lamb, (First and foremost...the wind doesn't talk. I don't know about you, but the last time an object - or being - talked to me was when I was drunk. So, I think it is safe to assume that this lamb is either drunk or on some sort of illegal substance.)
"Do you see what I see? Way up in the sky, little lamb, Do you see what I see? (Of course the lamb can see in the sky...I mean, it might be in black and white - like dogs - but the lamb can still see)
A star, a star, dancing in the night (Since we are going to assume that the lamb is drunk - we'll give the benefit of the doubt on any illegal substances - then OF COURSE the star was dancing!! That poor lamb probably couldn't tell his left from his right...its a crying shame!)
With a tail as big as a kite, With a tail as big as a kite." (This is the North star we're talking about...not an entire constellation...just one star. A star appears as a shining orb in the night sky...I forgot what they look like thanks to all the city lights - but I digress again...tails are only present on SHOOTING stars - also known as meteorites - or poo falling from one of the Apollo space shuttles)

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, (I felt sorry for the lamb...he got into some rancid water and got a little drunk...but now, NOW, he is trying to get a little boy on board?? You have got to be kidding me!! See kids, this is how drinking can lead to a life of crime and drug dealing...peer pressure is BAD!) 
"Do you hear what I hear? Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy, Do you hear what I hear? (Now the lamb is hearing voices in his head...I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt...but then he goes and ADMITS to hearing the voices. Not only that, but he is pushing his drugged/schizophrenic ideas on a boy. It just isn't right!) 
A song, a song high above the trees (According to the Bible...you know, that book collection dust on a shelf in your study - I know you have one somewhere...an Angel - not a song from the sky - came down to shepherds (the grown men kind) in a field and announced the Savior had been born. The shepherds then decided to travel to Bethlehem to see the child.) 
With a voice as big as the the sea, With a voice as big as the the sea." (A song can't have a voice...but rather, a voice does sing a song. None of this matters, though, because the Angel who came down SPOKE to the shepherds...it did not SING to them. I can only imagine - actually no I can't - how big an Angel's voice is...booming - seeing as it is in the sky and has a point to get across.) 

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king, (When has it ever been wise for a drunken/drugged young child to visit a person of power...I'll wait for you to think about it...that is right - NEVER! It never leads to anything good. Not to mention the fact that it wasn't a boy who spoke to Herod - the king of Judea - but rather wise men (astronomers) who had seen the newly formed North Star.) 
"Do you know what I know? In your palace warm, mighty king, Do you know what I know? (So, not only is this little boy supposedly speaking to a king, but also insulting him...really, really?!?! Again, NEVER a good idea to insult a person in power...especially since that person could very well end your life at will...AT WILL PEOPLE!)
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold (Of course the Child is shivering...it is DECEMBER and he was just born in a stable! Why was He born in a stable, you ask...well, it is because there was a mandated census taking place in Bethlehem at the time and all of the hotels had sold out of room nights. It makes me sick, really, to think that a census would take place and the leader knew full well that there wasn't enough space to accommodate everyone.)
Let us bring him silver and gold, Let us bring him silver and gold." (The wise men mentioned above DID indeed take gifts to the Child. Silver, though, was not one of those gifts...they actually took Gold, Frankincence and Myrrh. Don't ask me what those last 2 are...I just report what I read. If they are of any relation to that AWFUL smelling stuff wafting around at Midnight Mass, then it probably wasn't such a great idea to take that to a baby...it could cause early development of allergies. I wonder how the wise men felt when they arrived?? I'd feel like a slightly loser since it took 2 years to even reach Christ...yes folks, these men were following a STAR for TWO YEARS!!! Maybe that is why men don't want to stop for directions?!?!)

Said the king to the people everywhere, (Oh yes...king Herod sure did make a big deal about the birth of the Savior. He secretly met with the wise men and asked them to report back to him once they had found Christ's location - so that he could go and worship as well. The wise men knew something was afoot and ended up keeping their mouths SHUT - good for them!)
"Listen to what I say! Pray for peace, people, everywhere, Listen to what I say! (Everyone was listening - that is for sure - but you weren't telling them to pray for peace...you were asking for information on the Child's location...why?? You were secretly plotting to KILL him - that is why!! What kind of person are you?! I mean, I know we have phrases like, "like taking candy from a baby," but we don't ACTUALLY take the candy!! Babies can't defend themselves - let alone stop you from killing one of them...it is just sickening to even suggest such an atrocity!)
The Child, the Child sleeping in the night (Yes, children do sleep during the night...usually...however, there are those few who wake at all hours of the night to cry, eat and roll themselves over without knowing it. I know...my child is one of them!)
He will bring us goodness and light, He will bring us goodness and light." (Sorry Herod, but goodness and light certainly weren't high on YOUR Christmas list. Know how I know that?? Because - when you didn't hear back from the wise men who had ventured out to visit Christ - it was YOU who ORDERED the killing of all male children under the age of 2 in EVERY household in the land! Talk about insecure...Herod, sir, you might have been the ruler of a kingdom - but you couldn't have ACTUALLY thought you'd be the Savior of all mankind...could you?!?!?!)

So, you see folks, music lies!!

Lesson #28 - Wait Until AFTER The Baby Is Born To Purchase Everything

Once the man and I found out we were having a LITTLE GIRL - all bets were off!! I went out and started buying the cutest little outfits I could find...and there are a TON to choose from! Well, I bought said outfits in size 0-3 month - because that is what "normal" children wear after being born...or so I thought.

I really wish that someone would have said - hey, dumb ass, you might want to wait to see what size your bugger will be and wait until AFTER she is born before going nuts-o with the clothes. If you hadn't guessed - no one said that to me...and I just kept right on buying. Not only that, but we also got some super cute clothes at both of the showers we had...YAY for free clothes (and diapers, and wipes, and furniture, and toys, and...well, you get the idea)!

The babe's birthday was upon us me...FINALLY I would get to dress her in all of those cute adorable (I hate this word...sounds like A Door Bell) friggin fabulous little clothes! I packed her a little "going-home" bag that had my top favorites in the outfit department.

The babe was born and as she was being cleaned up, the man said she looked much smaller than the clothes we bought for her. My ob/gyn opened up betting on how much she weighted before the nurse put her on the scale. We all weighed in (no pun intended) and anxiously watched the scale. Turns out the man was right, on, point...6 pounds, 9 ounces on the nose.

Well, my friends...I'm not sure if you've guessed this yet or not, but the babe was WAY too small for all of those cute clothes. She was forced to wear sport that cute silly awful long-sleeved white shirt with her diaper just hanging out. I couldn't help but think what a terrible mother I was - and the babe was just born! I couldn't even provide her with the fabulously cute clothes that would help her stand out amongst a nursery of lemmings. Whoa was me!!

So, I will definitely be prepared with the next babe. Not sure when that time will come...but I will be ready, darn it! I am going to buy the most fabulous cute little outfit in premie, newborn, 0-3 months...and pray beg plead hope that the next one isn't any bigger than a 3 month old!!

Lesson #27 - Gender Isn't Predictable

When the man and I found out that we were having the babe - I just wanted to go out and buy all of the cutest little outfits...right. that. minute!! The man then reminded me that not only were we unable to find out what we were having yet - though he SWORE it would be a boy (because the men in his family have all had boys) - but we'd also get a lot of stuff at the baby showers we would have. Ok, ok, ok...fine...take away my fun!! Seeing as I didn't want all green and yellow items - we would definitely be finding out what we were having as. soon. as. possible.

At our 14 week sono, the tech said that while she couldn't be certain, she was going to guess that the babe was a boy. This was music to the man's ears...seeing as he said from day one that the babe would be a boy. The tech started laughing b/c the man was so excited and then said she wanted to see if she was right - so she'd try to be our tech at 20 weeks (when they can actually tell what you're having)...but the man just knew it was a boy.


Our 20 week appointment came sooner than expected and boy were we ready (no pun intended)!! The man was in a suit that day - though I can't remember why - and I was dressed nice for work. We got to the sono place and checked in - as usual. The same tech from week 14 came out to greet us and took me back so I could put on my oh-so-flattering-very-stylish-blue-and-white-amoeba-pattered-smock. She escorted me to the exam room where the man was so excited he was about to fall out of the chair.

The exam began like normal...arms - check...legs - check...head - check...yeah, things looked as normal as they CAN look at this stage of the game. The time finaly came and she asked if we wanted to know...I'm pretty sure the man was screaming yes before she even finished her sentence. The tech was fumbling around - trying to find the gender (the babe was a modest babe...didn't want to play along)...and suddenly her eyes got big as she stuttered - looks like I was wrong.

I couldn't help but laugh. My poor hubs, who has always wanted his first to be a boy, did fall out of his chair at the thought of having a little girl. From the floor all I heard was the man yell that he wanted a second opinion. Figures he would say that!! So the tech finished up and brought in the doctor on call...and sure enough - LITTLE GIRL!!

As we're sitting in the car driving home the man started cursing his uncle - who he just remembered had a girl - and said that he wouldn't believe it until the babe came out. I think he is still in denial some days...but the babe definitely has daddy wraped around her little finger - as it should be!!

Just For Fun - Post-It Note Tuesday

 

 

 

 

Link up with SupahMommy and play along!!

Just For Fun - Monday Excuse

Ok...so I've been a little MIA...and I apologize.

I was out of town on business until Sunday night...I got back to the casa so late that I just couldn't muster the energy to write something for today. I wish I had though...but I just didn't! Get over it!

Tomorrow was supposed to be a big debut day for "The Bitch"...alas, classes and work and life got a little hectic...so Transient Tuesday will not be so on Tuesday.

The good news is that I WILL be participating in post-it note Tuesday...once I get my act together. Stick with me folks...you'll be laughing in NO time, I promise!

Lesson #26 - Life Really IS About The Little Things

Everyone was supposed to have met The Bitch by now...alas, life happens and she was not able to write a guest post as of yet...but stay tuned - I promise it will be a good one! The Bitch and I have been friends for many, many moons! We grew up together and went to high school together. Ultimately, though, we chose different paths in the ways of college and went our separate ways. Through all of the parties, boy troubles and late night study sessions, we remained the best of friends. If any one good thing came out from us going to different colleges and settling in different areas (though still within driving distance) it would be that we each got to make OTHER friends...NEW friends...who happen to remind us of our OLD friends. Let me tell you...when you can find a new friend that makes you laugh just as hard - if not harder - than an old friend...well you are in biznazz!!

So, The Bitch has this friend who she got along with so well that they decided to share digs in the city...we'll call her The Roommate. I have a total girl-crush on The Roommate. She definitely reminds me of The Bitch is a few ways and of myself in other ways...the best of both worlds, if you ask me! Anyways, so The Roommate is obsessed...and I mean OBSESSED with anything that is little...mini-sized, if you will. Not people, but anything ELSE she can get her hands on that is mini is good in her book.

This post is dedicated to her and the small things that make her happy...enjoy!!!

Mini Cupcakes

Mini Poodle

 Mini Oreos

Mini Spork

Lesson #25 - Take The Time To Make As Ass Of Yourself...In Public

If you know me, you know that there aren't many things that embarrass me. While some might say that I blush easily, I really don't...in fact, I am proud of my ability with quick comebacks and witty remarks. Honestly, I do believe that I have my father to thank for this ability since he was the one - through my childhood - who was always trying to make me laugh/blush/cry/pee myself.

Call me a glutton for punishment, but the man has the same sense of humor. It has gotten to the point where I have to ignore the times when he really does embarrass me just to make him think that I am okay with it...in the hopes that it won't happen again. Alas, it doesn't always work...though, there are times when the situations are just down-right hilarious!

One night the man got home after work and we decided to go to the grocery store (keep in mind that I was very much pregnant at this point). Usually things are pretty quiet at 11pm, but this night was oddly busy. I am a huge fan of going up and down every aisle - because you never know what you're going to find that you might not need. The man, on the other hand, likes to get in and get out as quickly as possible - because, well, he is a man. When we shop together, I usually win and we get to take a tour of the store aisles.

So, there we are in the store...me barely able to push the cart - waddling walking right along - and the man busy looking at the newest flavored coffee available. I stopped in front of a row of cereal that was on sale and picked up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Don't ask me why, but this was one of the few cravings I had...not CTC itself, but cereal in general...YUMMY! I digress.

I pick up this box and look at the man, "Can I get another box of CTC? I know I haven't finished the last one yet, but it is on sale." Without missing a beat he looks right back at me - and in his VERY loud "outside voice" he says, "Why don't you ask the baby's daddy to buy your damn cereal?!" I looked at him with an angry look...and then I decided to play along.

"Maybe if you gave me what I wanted in bed I wouldn't have had to cheat on you," I screamed. We both kinda of giggled and the man shot back with, "Fine, but did you have to chose the best man! He is my best friend damn it!" "Well, I guess he isn't anymore - now is he," I questioned. By this point there were people coming form other parts of the store to the aisle we were in to see what was going on. We got to the cashier and the entire staff just stared at us - not wanting to say anything that might make one of us go off again. I really think those in the store that night were happy to see us go...but boy did we have fun!

Just For Fun - Wordless Wednesday

The man found my Mother-Ship (I knew they'd come for me)!!!!

Any other cunning captions out there?!?!

Just For Fun - Post-It Note Tuesday

(In addition to my post-it notes...visit my earlier post by my very pregnant friend and the special "Transient Tuesday" guest poster for this week Wines Constantly)

 

 

 

Lesson #24 - Pepper Spray In The Sock Drawer Is Useless

Welcome to "Transient Tuesdays"...I am glad that you decided to stop by! Have a seat, kick up your feet and enjoy this week's post from The Pregnant Wine-O. Wines Constantly is an awesome blog - I think you should follow her here - and I am thrilled that she shared her story of finger flags, MHD and her poor beat-up hubster!

Remember all those warnings from your parents about how you should never give rude drivers the middle finger salute because they might be nutso and have a gun and shoot you dead? And how your mother may have told you to never (everEVERever) leave the house without the pepper spray keychain she bought you? Well, this is a story about why you should listen to your parents, even if the other guy is unarmed. Because he might be crazy. And drunk. With anger control issues. You get the picture.

One bright and sunny day, my hubs (then boyfriend) and I were weaving through the parking lot of some giant strip mall extravaganza after purchasing some new bedding. We will call my hubs D. At this time, D was going through a phase (which has since become permanent) where he got a teeny bit mad at the sight of suburbanites driving giant gas-guzzlers for silly errands like a trip to the BB&B. Just call him an Environmental Crusader. This anger manifested in his middle finger, which he waved at any and all of these vehicles on the road. On this particular day, D's finger flag absentmindedly waved at a white Hummer passing us from the opposite direction. We drove on. I patted his leg, then glanced out the window to try and see what was up with the tire squealing behind us.

This is where things get interesting.

See, the squealing tires belonged to the white Hummer, which at this point had turned itself around and was gunning full steam ahead for the back of our teeny tiny 2-door impracticality of a car. D, completely oblivious to my silent shock and horror, pulls slowly up to a stop sign, looks both ways, and then jumps out of his skin as Maniac Hummer Driver (MHD) rams into the back of our car. MHD backs up. And slams into us again. WTF. At this point D is still trying to process things, and I'm ass-up in the air trying to find my cell phone in the depths of the Biggest Purse Ever (which of course has half-spilled all over my feet). Clearly, we were about to die and I at least wanted the police to have a shot at catching up to the freak who is about to flatten our car into a twisty metal pancake. MHD has now climbed down from his throne, and is cursing at D. D is looking shell shocked. I locate my phone. I forget to call 9-1-1 and begin to look for my pepper spray. Which should be attached to my keychain. 

Why isn't it there?

MHD is now yelling even more profane things at D, and I forget what I'm looking for as the first fist hits poor D in the side of the face. D's glasses go flying somewhere into the backseat. MHD has his arms hooked to D's arms and is trying to yank him out of the partially open window. D opens the door and gets out. MHD throws more punches. I'm seeing spots, and finally remember what to do with the phone. I inform the operator that a crazy madman is trying to kill my boyfriend. I attempt to describe our location, but it goes more or less like this: "We're by the home stuff store, the one by the Applebee's. Or the Bennigan's? I can't see the sign. And the camera store. By the stop sign. In xxnameoftownxx." About as helpful as it sounds.

I babble more nonsense and start searching the glovebox for the pepper spray as D just stands there covering his head with his arms. Not fighting back. The lawyer in him. His shirt is ripped. There's blood. I begin to yell unintelligible things about being mfing-crazy and stop hitting him you a**hole and why don't they put address numbers on any of the stores?!?

MHD gets back into his Hummer. Spins around and starts driving away. D chases after him. I get out of the car and chase after D. I am wearing 3-inch (pointy) heels. By now, the 9-1-1- operator is surely debating whether to send the police or a straight jacket. I babble more gobbledygook, 99% of it profanities, as I alternate between screaming at D to "Get the F*** back here", screaming at MHD to stop trying to run D over, and begging the 9-1-1- operator to send some GD backup, already.

The police finally show up. D wobbles back to me. Thankfully in one piece. A second police car (all of that screaming and they only send 2 cars?) stops MHD on the other side of the parking lot.

We all make a trip to the police station. MHD in handcuffs. We learn he tested quite drunk. Statements are given. Charges are pressed. D looks like hell, and I still can't find my damn pepper spray.

The whole thing went court. Apparently we drew quite the crowd of witnesses. MHD was assigned anger management counseling. I still have nightmares that he hunts us down and clubs D and I to death in our sleep. All over a freaking finger.

Lessons Learned:
Keep your middle finger to yourself. Unless you have a black belt or drive a tank or wear kevlar like it's hot.
Pepper spray cannot save you when it is hiding at home in your sock drawer.

Lesson #23 - A New Design Is Good For Mind, Body AND Blog

I can't tell you all how SUPER excited I am that my blog re-design is done!! I have learned many things through out this process...and seeing as my blog is all about lessons, I feel that these are appropriate.

1) Photoshop is a necessity...it is AWESOME
2) Photoshop requires patience...and time...neither of which I have a lot of
3) The man really DOES care (this was one of my Christmas presents)
4) Jeanna got the patience that I did not (you're FABULOUS)
5) There are 2,796 illustrations of women with blond hair on IStockPhoto
6) Going through all of the above mentioned takes approximately 56 minutes
7) It takes a lot of creativity to come up with seemingly simple titles
8) A new blog design makes me feel like a new person

I hope you all enjoy the new look!!! Be sure to visit Jeanna and Whitney at Bloggy Blog Designz for your own blog makeover!!!

Just For Fun - BBD Giveaway!!

I am currently in the process of having my blog designed...by a pro...YAY!! The man is giving it to me for Christmas (isn't he GREAT)!! Anyways, the designers of my blog are hosting this AWESOME giveaway!! If you want a new blog - then make sure you check out the below contest. Happy FRIDAY everyone!!

This Holiday Season everyone we know is asking for a blog makeover!  So we thought we would make this fun for everyone!!!   Would you like a chance to win a free blog makeover?  Well, here is your chance!  We are giving away the following items

A Basic Package

A $40 Giftcard

A $25 Giftcard

A Twitter Background

3 Extra Items of your Choice

5 Custom Signatures 

75% off Any Package

50% off Any Package

Here is how to enter:  Copy the following to a blog post, be sure to leave a comment with your URL so we can check it out, and you are instantly entered!  As a special thanks for entering our Holiday Giveaway, we are offering ALL entrants 25% off until the end of the year!  Your prizes can be redeemed in giftcard form if you would prefer to give them as a present to a loved one! Just see the post below! 

Bloggy Blog Designz is having a super Holiday Giveaway!!!  They are giving away blog designs and all kinds of goodies.  Plus ALL entrants will receive 25% off their purchase through the end of the year!  Be sure to check out their website for more information, or to enter yourself.  Take a look at their portfolio and packages to see what you want for Christmas ;)  With 14 giveaways in all and a 25% discount, everyone is a winner!  www.bloggyblogdesignz.com

Lesson #22 - People, Especially Strangers, Have No Shame (Part II)

Okay...for those of you who missed Part I in this series of posts, please take a peak here (written yesterday). Those of you who read that post already - HORRAY!! You can now move on to Part II. Again, true story(ies)!!

3. The man and I were walking around the mall. Not because we wanted to shop, but because I HAP to get out of the house and walk around...and in the middle of summer, I also wanted air conditioning. The mall seemed like a logical choice seeing as there are groups of 60+ individuals EVERY. WHERE. who mall walk in the mornings...so it has to be a good idea, right?! Anyways, so we;re walking around the mall and going in and out of the stores. Again, not because we were actually going to BUY anything, but because it added to the enjoyment of said walk. So, we go into this store that sell painting prints - and some very nice ones, I might add. The sales rep approached the man and I asking if we needed any help. We politely declined and she happened to see the babe - wide-eyed - in her carrier. She made some cooing sounds and asked how old she was - to which I replied, "only 3 weeks old." The rep looked up at me and - without missing a beat said, "Oh, well she is absolutely adorable. Do you know what you're having next?" I'm sorry?! Next?! Do you now something I don't?? Is there some sign above my head that says - currently pregnant?? No. No there is not. Look Ms. Painting Sales Rep...I know you are 5 foot 10 and weigh only 100 pounds, but when women get pregnant they do this little thing called GAIN WEIGHT! I realize that this is a hard concept for you to grasp, but you really should read up on manners before just spouting garble!! Not to mention, DO. THE. MATH. If the babe is 3 weeks old...what makes you think I could be pregnant - and showing - again so quickly?!?! Ugh!!!

4. The man had gone back to work and I wanted to go to the grocery store. I put the babe - wrapped in her blanket and all - in her car seat and drove to the store. We don't live in the middle of nowhere...the grocery store is maybe 5 minutes from our house...so it didn't take long to get there. I pulled out the stroller and wheel it over to the passenger door. As I'm pulling the babe out of the car, a woman - who had just parked - was getting out of her car. Mind you, it is July/August...it is hot, humid and I'm cranky. She comments on how beautiful the babe is (why is it that everyone starts unwanted advice with how pretty the babe is??) and then proceeds to tell me that she shouldn't be taken out of the house yet. Okay...maybe if it was the DEAD of winter, I could see that a 3-4 week old really shouldn't be taken out in the elements...but in the summer, really?? If only this woman knew that the SAME DAY we were discharged from the hospital, we had errands to run and things to purchase...and we took the babe with us! UGH!!

Lesson #22 - People, Especially Strangers, Have No Shame (Part I)

When the man and I first found out we were pregnant (to read the story, please go here), we went out and bought a plethora of books on the topic. We got everything from pregnancy timelines and what the heck is happening to my body - those were for me. We also got a few on being a daddy for idiots and what the heck is happening to your wife's body - those were for the man. I think the only ones we did not purchase were the name-related ones...icanpickacreativenamewithoutastinkinbookthankyouverymuch! If you've never been pregnant or even if you have been, but decided to forgo the books - let me just tell you this...these books include EVERYTHING!! By everything, I mean...well...every. single. thing.

The topics that were covered ranged from, "how is it possible to gain 10 pounds in one week" to "". There was a small section, not even a whole chapter, hidden in the bowels of one of these sacred books. As I'm reading this section - which was more of a side note, really - I couldn't help but laugh. It was about the gall that strangers possess and their propensity for diarrhea of the mouth (for more of that, read this) around pregnant women. Below is my list of things to avoid saying/doing around pregnant women because they all happened to me...and I wanted to punch someone - true story(ies).

1. Do not ask about breast feeding. Okay...so I'm standing in line at the grocery store with the babe - who is a mere three weeks old at this point. After putting all of my groceries on the belt, the cashier starts this small talk bit about the babe. I'm all about answering questions about how big she was when she was born or how long he was in labor. However, when it comes to feeding...I'm not so quick to respond. "Are you breast or bottle feeding," the cashier asks...seriously?!?! NOTE. TO. ALL. The bottle or breast question to a stranger is NONE. OF. YOUR. BUSINESS. Just saying!!

2. On another trip I was holding the babe. Yes - she was wearing a short sleeve onesie. Yes - she was wearing a thin pair of pants. Yes - she had only been on the planet for about five weeks. Keep in mind, though, that I had pulled her out of her carrier and had a blanket wrapped around her. A woman comes up to me in the milk aisle and comments on how beautiful the babe is. I thanked her graciously and the made another comment on her blue eyes (the babe does have the most mesmerizing blue eyes). Again, I thanked her. Then...out of NO. WHERE. she looks at me and says "that babe is far too young to be out of the house. Here is where my next note comes in...rearing of children today is NOT the same as it was when we were kids...so BACK. OFF!!!

Lesson #21: The Definition Of "Cool" Is Relative

I used to think that I was sooooo cool when I was younger! I still find myself to have a tinge of coolness left in me. I have worked in the bar industry and used to know everyone by name on a Saturday night. That is how one makes money, after all...by making friends. I have done my share of oratory contests - and won, I might add - in front of a panel of judges. When I was in second grade, my teacher swore I would be the first female President (move over Hilary!).

The fact is, I never really did think I was so cool. I would take home every book imaginable from school - beginning in first grade! First grade, people!! I should have been going out to play after school - not worrying about 4th grade math! Then in high school I was a cheerleader, but I wasn't considered one of the pretty girls. I never would have dreamed of becoming Homecoming Queen or being named Most Popular by the yearbook staff.

Sure I was a member of a sorority in college, but those girls were more like my family...which is funny because I don't talk to many of them anymore. I gave up cheerleading to pursue my degree and just get the heck out of school!! I was not only carrying MORE than a full course-load each semester, but also working a full-time job. I was in such a rush to grow up that I forgot to live my life for the moment. I was cool to the only person who mattered - me.

Now, as an "adult", I am still keeping the same jam-packed schedule. I have traded in a full-time class schedule for a full-time work schedule and a full-time work schedule for full-time mommyhood PLUS full-time wifeyhood PLUS full-time housekeeperhood PLUS...well, you get the picture.

Mingling in bars dressed in short skirts and crop tops to make a lousy buck has been replaced with dancing around in my bra and undies trying to make the babe laugh - mommy would even settle for a smile!

Where I was once staying up all night to cram for an exam...I am not staying up all night to rock the babe to sleep...not because she is fussy, but because I just don't want to put her down and miss a minute!

Days of attending frat parties and puffy paint parties (for those of you who don't know - this is where all attendees wear white t-shirts and draw on each other with various colors of the silly raised paint of fun) have been pushed aside with nights of cuddling on the couch with the man in front of a good movie or funny TV show.

The ones I thought were "cool" back in the day aren't as cool as I thought they were. As long as the babe is healthy and the man is fed - I am the "cool" one. Honestly...I wouldn't trade ANY of it for the world. I am truly blessed!

Just For Fun - Post-It Note Tuesday

(In addition to my post-it notes...visit my earlier post by my friend and special "Transient Tuesday guest poster Vodka Logic)